Why do I always feel like a freak?

I'm never able to move on like this: People just have an affair, or even entire relationships, they break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with... because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much. I think when we're young, we just believe there'll be many people you'll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times. And you can screw it up... misconnect. The past is the past. It was meant to be that way. Well, maybe the world might be less free than we think. Couples are so confused lately, I think it must be that... men need to feel essential and they don't anymore. It's been imprinted in their head for so many years that they had to be the provider. I'm a strong, independent woman in my professional life. I don't need a man to feed me but I still need a man to love me and that I could love. I was thinking, for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is. Even being alone it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. I don't want to be a romantic anymore. You start off that way, and after you've been screwed over a few times, you forget about your delusional ideas and you take what comes into your life. I haven't been screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They're weren't mean, they cared for me, but there were no real connection or excitement. You know, it's not even that, I was fine until I watched again the movie you gave me. It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things... and now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into you, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow you took things away from me... and I expressed those things to you, and you took them with you. It made me feel cold, like love wasn't for me. Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. I know it's my fault. I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean, the right man, the love of your life? The concept is absurd. We can only be complete with another person? It's evil! I guess I've been heartbroken too many times and then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts, I make no effort. I know it's not gonna work out. There's been so much water under the bridge, it's not even about you. It's about that moment in time that's forever gone...